The wind whipped Maggie's hair scattering it in all directions. Matt looked at her eyes and felt an excruciating wrench in his heart. They were standing on the quay, as he was about to board the destroyer on his way to Afghanistan. The city of San Diego provided a beatific backdrop as he backed away from her and started walking up the gangplank.
Their eyes met once again as he waved to her from the bridge. As the ship pulled away he remembered their wedding, six months ago. They were married in a blaze of California sunshine and carne asada as the guests partied on the beach. They all got drunk and tried swimming to Japan. Those were fun filled days. And now he was facing the prospect of a daunting campaign in a surreal land that he had only heard of about a year ago.
Matt had joined the marines after he dropped out of school and refused to join his father's printing business in downtown San Diego. They quarreled for a while and reconciled when he got married to Maggie. His father was a hard man who had come up in life one business at a time. They were not very rich but could afford a nice little house in Del Mar Heights. Matt lost his mom when he was quite young and his father tried very hard to be both. Since he joined the marines he had developed a grudging admiration for the old man as he heard stories of other dads. And when he got married to Maggie, his dad had been there for him. He gave them a huge check and a little house that caught them completely by surprise. These six months were the best days of his life as he grew closer to his dad and enjoyed Maggie pampering him with sex and good food.
He watched her waving on the dock, a wisp of white and blue fading in the distance. His father had refused to come see him off, as he was still upset about him joining the marines. He had said his goodbyes to his father at his house. His father had looked at him and hugged him. That was the first time in a very long time that his father had done that. They had both held back the tears and hugged each other.
"Goodbye son. Take care of yourself and don't get killed. Remember you have to make me a grand-dad yet."
"Yes dad. I will be back soon." He awkwardly got out of the embrace and ran his hand across his eyes.
He blinked back the tears as the bullhorn sounded and his mind shifted to reality. This was it. Afghanistan. Those four syllables had echoed around the world in the nine-eleven aftermath. His outfit had been itching to see some action in that country as the rhetoric for patriotism increased in the subsequent months. Now they were really on their way. He turned away from the bridge and walked down to his quarters below the deck. His bunkmates were sprawled all over the cabin as they excitedly talked about their mission. All of them had been issued a booklet that detailed the Afghani experience. Surprisingly as they found out, the country that was the crossroads for ancient civilizations had come into existence only recently. Less than a hundred years ago in fact. And like all areas of conflict in the world, this too was a product of British politics. The Afghani people were a mish-mash of a fractious different tribes and languages that the British tried hard to coalesce into a nation. They tried the same thing with Iraq and an opposing strategy in India and Palestine. All with disastrous results.
He remembered all this as his mates talked about the oppressed Afghani people and children. They all felt like great liberators about to free a country from their medieval overlords. He gave a wry smile as Rob looked at him and grinned broadly. Rob was his buddy and partner in the outfit. They hunted together.
"Hey Matt, c'mon in. Did you give our picture to Maggie?"
"Yeah. She wasn't happy at the way you ruined her dress by letting your dog slobber all over it this morning. You owe her a new dress."
"Awright. Lets kick some butt in 'stan and when we come back I will buy her a new one."
"You'd better or else I'll have to kick yours."
Rob and Maggie had a great friendship, which was quite surprising since Rob was his polar opposite. Rob was single and a surfer who believed in Cali-fornication as a lifestyle. Maggie liked him since he was fun to be with and had a very caring nature despite his swagger.
This was going to be a long journey across the Pacific and the Indian Ocean to Karachi, Pakistan. They settled in for the voyage and lost themselves in military routine.
***
Gul Sardar Aga walked quickly along the broken pavement. He was already late for school. As the only English teacher in Kabul Central School, he was a gem in the rag-tag group of teachers that tried to make an effort in jump-starting educational efforts post-Taliban. His English degree from Delhi University in the '70's had helped him survive the Taliban scourge, as the local Taliban leadership held on to him for his translation skills. As he reached the school gates he shouted out a salaam to the sentry and rushed in.
'Good morning, Sir,' Baaz Mohammed wished him as he swept the school steps.
"Morning, Morning, Baaz. How is your daughter today?"
Baaz tried hard to form an English sentence.
"Sir, she is ... she is ..." he gave up and lapsed into Pashto. Apparently the doctor at the US camp had given her a vaccine and she was feeling ok now.
Gul smiled at him and said, "See. I told you that they would help. Not all foreigners are our enemies. And you better start concentrating in class. I want to hear more English the next time I see you." Baaz smiled at him sheepishly and scratched his head under his faded cap. Gul gave him a stern glance and hurried into his class.
It was almost evening as he finished his classes and started towards home. He stopped by a roadside vendor and picked up some bread and kababs for dinner. His daughter liked the fresh lamb kababs roasted over a charcoal fire. As the shadows darkened he hastened his step. Darkness in Kabul still had a menacing feeling. You never knew what was going to happen. There were hordes of vagrants and armed militia wandering the streets after dark, in search of excitement. As he rounded a corner he heard the sharp staccato of machine guns going off in the distance. He started running with the food clutched to his chest. He could see some vehicles moving down the road in the distance. To avoid them he ducked into an alley and pulled back against the wall of the house. With his heart throbbing wildly he craned his neck and peered around the corner. The vehicles were still moving. He couldn't make out if they were approaching him or going away, as they had no lights - just dark blobs moving in the shadowy twilight.
"You there. Don't move," a voice, barked behind him.
He was startled and the shock jerked the food from his fingers as it spilled on the ground. He turned around towards the voice and saw a dim figure about twenty feet away. It was pointing a gun at him. He heard a voice speak out in Pashto but it had a foreign accent and was awkward with the syllables.
The figure started out towards him. "Hold up your hands slowly. Don't make any sudden moves."
He started raising his arms slowly. He looked down and saw the food packet at his feet. With one arm upraised in mid-air, he swung the other towards the ground to pick up the food. A shot rang out and he felt a sudden searing pain in his right leg. The man had shot him! He fell to the ground clutching his knee.
"I told you not to make any move," the voice now spoke agitatedly in English as Gul cringed on the ground in pain.
Matt ran towards Gul and swung his rifle on his back as he reached out to grab him.
He held him by the shoulders and saw the food spilled out around him.
"Why did you do that? I told you not to move,"
"I was only trying to reach the food, Sahib." Gul replied in English.
Surprised, Matt looked searchingly at the man's face. The hard brown face with a black beard and white eyes peered out in the gloom. He gasped as though he saw his father's face flash before his eyes. There was an uncanny resemblance to his father, minus the beard. The eyes were the same and they were wounded. He felt a sharp pang of fear and regret. The man started moaning.
"Why did you shoot me, sahib? I am but a poor schoolteacher. I have no guns. I was trying to hide from the vagrants myself."
Matt looked at Gul in disbelief. He was numb as he mechanically tried to check Gul's leg for damage. The knee was shattered and the blood was spurting heavily. He knew that the man needed to get help immediately. Matt lifted the Gul and started towards the road.
"I am so sorry. I thought you were reaching for a gun. I gotta take you to the hospital. There is a jeep parked down the road. Let's get you to a doctor."
Gul could only moan in answer. The pain was unbearable and he lapsed into unconsciousness.
Matt located his jeep and placed Gul gently on the back seat. He drove the jeep as fast as he could without bumping Gul around too much. The hospital was two miles away. The darkness and chill was setting around him. He entered the army camp and drove to the makeshift hospital building. A couple of nurses helped him move Gul onto a stretcher and into the hospital. There was no time to explain to the doctors. They too one look and went into surgery.
Matt anxiously waited outside. His mind was now calmer but filled with immense regret. He paced up and down the hospital corridor and nervously twisted his cap in his hands. This was the first time that he had shot and wounded another human being. His marine training had taught him everything he expected but training could not replicate the experience of shooting at a live person. And to top it all, his anguish grew further as he recalled the man's close resemblance to his father. He prayed fervently that the man would be ok.
It was almost midnight as the doctor came out of the operating room. He looked quizzically at Matt.
"So, what was our dangerous patient doing that you had to shoot him? I am sorry I could not save his leg. We had to amputate the leg below the knee."
A stunned Matt collapsed into a chair and held his head in his hands.
"Oh god," was all he could say before the tears gushed out. The doctor patted his shoulder sympathetically and said, "It's not your fault. This is a military operation. Casualties are taken for granted. The man will live. Now please go and file your report and I will counter-sign it."
Matt rose in a daze and went to the hospital office where he filled out a casualty report and signed it. He wanted to see the man and apologize again to him. But it was late and the doctor had said that the patient was asleep. His mind was in turmoil. He decided to go back to his cabin. Rob would be there. He could talk to him and get this off his chest.
As he drove his jeep from the hospital to his quarters, he mumbled, "It's not my fault. It's not my fault." But somehow the words sounded hollow and unconvincing.
He pulled up and got out of the jeep. It was dark at his quarters. 'Lights out' was at 10 pm. He switched on his flashlight and made his way to his cabin. He pushed open the door. Rob was lying in his bunk staring at the ceiling. A solitary night lamp threw out a dim yellow light. Rob turned to look at him as he entered. He had a pained expression on his face that was odd. Both of them looked at each other and held their gaze for a couple of moments. Then they looked away. Matt sat down on his bunk and held his head in his hands. The words refused to come out.
"I am so sorry man." Rob said.
Matt looked up and stared at Rob.
"It wasn't my fault. The guy looked dangerous, lurking in the alley like that. And he reached down for a gun. That's what I thought. It wasn't my fault."
Rob sat up and swung his legs over the bunk. He stood up and put a hand on Matt's shoulder and shook him.
"What are you saying? Did you shoot someone? Oh my god!"
Matt was sobbing silently now. Rob shook him again.
"It's ok man. This is war. We cannot be responsible for every person we have to shoot. If that was the case no one would sign up for the army."
Matt started calming down. He wiped his eyes and for a moment was ashamed at himself for crying. He looked up at Rob. Then he remembered.
"But why did you say you were sorry? You didn't know what I did until I told you."
It was Rob's turn to be uncomfortable. He looked away and sighed.
"You know. The world is a strange place. I am convinced that there is a deeper reason for every event that takes place. You think you have a pretty good grasp on reality and then it turns around and whacks you in the face. Of all the days and of all the people, it had to happen to you."
Matt was surprised at this outburst of philosophy from Rob. It was unnatural to see Rob speak like this. Rob was still shaking his head wistfully. He turned back and sat down beside him.
"I am sorry. But I guess you have to know. There was an accident back home. A shooting accident."
Rob paused. Matt gripped his arm.
"What shooting accident? Where?"
"Your dad. I am sorry man. He died a few hours ago. There was a random shooting at a gas station. Maggie has been trying to get in touch with you for the past two hours. And I had tried your radio but you were out of range."
Matt fell back on the bed, too stunned to say anything. He went numb with fear and his insides curled up tight like a spring.
"Noooooo," he screamed. Howling like a banshee he curled up on his bed and his body convulsed with gut wrenching sobs. Rob tried to hold him and calm him down. But the evening's turn of events had taken its toll on Matt. Rob let him vent for a while and waved away a couple of heads that popped in their cabin door. After a while Matt started to calm down. He lay still for some time with his breath still raspy with all the crying.
"I am sorry Matt. I was going to break it to you gently. I didn't know you already had an encounter of your own. You should call Maggie immediately. She is waiting to hear from you."
The mention of Maggie's name woke Matt up. He stood up and wiped his eyes. Rob walked with him as both of them made their way through the darkness towards the communications room.
An operator was on duty manning the console. As soon as he saw Matt, he dialed a number and gave the handset to Matt. A few moments later Maggie's voice floated eerily through his consciousness like a dream.
"Hi sweetheart. Are you ok? I am so sorry. Please talk to me sweetie."
"Maggie, what happened? Please tell me everything. I am ok."
"Well I woke up this morning and the phone rang. It was the police. They wanted me to come to the station. They said that your dad had an accident. I was shocked and hurriedly drove to the station. The sergeant over there took me to a room. She was very quiet and calm as she told me that an unknown person at a gas station on Balboa Blvd had shot your dad. It happened early morning around 8 am. You know how your dad likes to get his coffee and gas at that station. It seems as he was pumping gas, a car drove past the gas station and a person shot at him with a rifle. He was hit in the chest and fell down. He died immediately of heavy bleeding. By the time the paramedics got to him he was gone. The murderer escaped before anyone could even see him or register what had happened. The police are searching the entire city for him."
Matt listened in quiet desperation. He had hoped that all this was untrue and a dream. Now that he heard it from Maggie, he was stunned into silence.
"Honey, are you there? Hello. Hello?"
"Yes. Maggie, where is he now? Did you see him?"
"Yes. I had to identify him. They were keeping him at the hospital where I had to go and identify him. He looked so peaceful and content. I almost felt that he would wake up and say Hi." Maggie stifled a sob.
"Maggie, I am going to try and fly back as soon as I can get leave. I am sure my C.O. will understand. Meanwhile, something strange has happened to me also."
"What?"
"I was on patrol duty and I saw a suspicious person. That guy made a suspicious move and I had to shoot him in the leg. Turns out that he was just a schoolteacher on his way home. He was reaching down to pick up the food that had spilled on the ground as I startled him."
"Oh No. You poor baby. Is the man going to be ok?"
"Well, he is alive. But they had to cut off his leg below the knee."
"Ohhh."
"And..."
"What sweetie?"
"Maggie, he looks a bit like Dad."
Maggie was stunned. She couldn't think of anything to say.
"Yeah. This is so unreal. Maggie, I feel so responsible and so lonely. I don't know what to do. I have to go and check on the schoolteacher. I will speak to my C.O too and see how fast I can get home. You take care honey. Please make sure that they hold dad until I get there."
"Ok baby. You take care. I will be waiting"
Matt gave the handset back to the operator. He and Rob walked out of the room.
"Lemme talk to Lt. Barham in the morning. I am sure he will understand. Meanwhile you get some sleep and try to rest." He knew that advice was pointless. Matt would be too wound up to fall asleep.
They both walked to their cabin and lay down on their bunks. Matt was staring at the ceiling and soon he was lost in a mournful haze of memories and visions of his dad and his childhood. He did not even realize when he drifted to sleep.
He woke up with a start as reveille sounded. Rob was already awake and getting dressed. Matt got ready and the both of them were soon headed back to the hospital after grabbing a cup of coffee at the mess. They went to the patient's room after getting directions from the duty nurse who also told them his name. He opened the door and walked in. Rob waited outside. The man was sleeping on the bed. He opened his eyes as he heard Matt's footsteps. The man looked at him and there was an immense feeling of accusation in his brown eyes. Matt averted his gaze.
"I am sorry Mr.Aga. I came hear to tell you how sorry I am for having done this to you."
Gul was silent. Matt went on.
"You know how dangerous it can be on the streets during nights. I was trying to protect myself."
"Fauzia," Gul said.
"Huh? What did you say?"
"Fauzia, my daughter. She was waiting for me to come home. I have to let her know that I am here. Will you please help me?"
"Of course. Please give me your address and I will get her to you immediately."
"I live in the old basti by the railway lines. It's the lane with the old masjid. Ask for 'Masterjee' and people will guide you to my house."
Matt noted this information down mentally.
"Do you want anything? Can I get you some food?"
"No. I am fine. It's my child who must have gone hungry. Please, hurry and get her."
Matt ran from the room.
"Rob, wait here. I have to go get the old man's daughter. She is all alone and waiting for him. I will be back in half an hour."
He jumped into his jeep and hurtled down the dusty roads towards the railway lines. It took him a while to find the old masjid and he asked a few boys playing on the street. They pointed towards an old run down building that had been bombed in parts. He parked his jeep and entered the rickety building. A gaggle of kids were playing in the staircase. He went up the stairs and the kids moved out of his way chattering excitedly. He came to a door and knocked on it. A middle-aged woman with a burkha opened the door. She hid behind the half open door as she saw him. He spoke in broken Pashto and asked for Fauzia. A little girl of about eight came running out as she heard her name being mentioned. The woman grabbed her arm and pulled the girl behind her.
It took him some time to explain that Fauzia's dad was in hospital and he needed her. The lady sounded unconvinced. Finally he saw a man walking down the corridor coming towards him. The man came up to him and asked the woman to go inside the house. She stubbornly stood her ground. Presumably he was her husband. Matt explained his mission to the man again. The man, who introduced himself as Sayed, spoke to the woman rapidly in Pashto. The woman unwillingly held Fauzia out towards Matt.
She looked at him with dark green eyes. She was an innocent little girl with raggedy brown hair wearing the traditional shalwar-khameez. He hesitatingly held out his hand and she looked at it questioningly. Sayed spoke to her with reassurance and she grabbed Matt's arm.
The three of them got into the jeep. Sayed explained to Matt that he was Gul's neighbor and they had been worried all night at his sudden disappearance. Fauzia had spent the night with them anxiously and he was relieved to hear that Gul was alive.
Matt didn't say much as they drove to the hospital. Rob was waiting in Gul's room, sitting on a chair lost in thought.
Fauzia ran towards Gul and put her head down on his shoulder. Gul patted her head and spoke to her softly.
Matt watched them with unease. Sayed now knew what had happened. He asked Gul a few questions. Gul was telling him that he understood it wasn't Matt's fault completely but now he was a cripple. That wouldn't change no matter how remorseful Matt felt.
"I am sorry sahib." Gul said to Matt.
Matt looked surprised.
"I hear that you have lost your father yesterday. May his soul rest in peace."
Matt looked at Rob. He looked away and Matt knew Rob had told Gul.
"Well, maybe it's my punishment for what I have done to you."
"No sahib. I know that you had to do what you did. It was an unfortunate moment and you protected yourself. Besides, I am still alive. I thank Allah for that. At least he gave you enough wisdom not to kill me. I forgive you sahib. You did what was needed of you."
Gul's eyes looked at him with a warm kind feeling. The kind of look, that only people with cultural roots so deep that they extend all the way up into myth, can give. He felt overwhelmed by the forgiveness in those eyes. Suddenly he felt small and insignificant.
He went over to Gul and grasped his hand. They both looked at each other and a quiet look of intense caring passed between them. After making sure that Gul and Fauzia were well taken care of, Rob and Matt returned to their camp.
***
Six months later, Matt and Maggie were sitting on the beach in Del Mar. The sun was hanging low on the horizon hesitating to dip into the ocean and get wet. A seagull shrieked loudly in the distance as a few children played in the cold water. A child ran back from the water splashing through the soft sand. She reached a man sitting down on the sand and laughed excitedly. She helped the man get up as he held on to a pair of crutches. He made his way through the sand towards Matt and Maggie. Maggie broke into a smile as she saw Fauzia running towards her. She held out her arms and held on to her as she ran into them. Gul came up behind her.
"She is getting to be an American all right. Just now she was saying to those children she has to go home to watch Spongebob."
Matt stood up and helped Gul sit down beside them. They watched as the sun continued its descent into the ocean. The twilight enveloped them.
"Look Maggie. Moving stars." Fauzia gazed at the sky with wonder.